Great poem ^^
I like the simplicity too

--
-'♥'- I love hearts. They are symbols for life, love and humanity. ~ Ville Valo -'♥'-

.x.x. "You're not normal, you're an angel." .x.x.

thats brilliant for a comparision!
good job

ty ty... I couldnt think of any other that was suitable.

--
saliva always tastes
different depending on who's
mouth it comes from - Lotuskid

Though you hold me still,
I shudder like the thunderstorm— Miseria-Cantare

thanx! and 2x for the favstylie!

--
saliva always tastes
different depending on who's
mouth it comes from - Lotuskid

Though you hold me still,
I shudder like the thunderstorm— Miseria-Cantare

No prob

--
-'♥'- I love hearts. They are symbols for life, love and humanity. ~ Ville Valo -'♥'-

.x.x. "You're not normal, you're an angel." .x.x.

Very nice poem. I like the comparison and it's well written.
I have some problems with the layout though... the repeating of words three times disrupts the flow too much for me and repeating the whole first part in the end feels a little excessive... but again, on another read there is hard to take something from that stanza, but still it feels excessive...
Hmm.
Overall it's very good as I said, don't take the crit in some other way

--
"Everything I have written may be wrong."

haha its all good. i take adv creative writing so i'm used to the cuts and bruises...
but yea, the triplets tripped me up too haha. but I dunno. it seemed empty and hollow without it... but repeating the first stanza is neccesary. if only I had a lil more meat in between the bread. And ya, bread is a staple. meaning neccesary. so if you thought you were gunna refute the necessity of the repetition you just got preempted

--
saliva always tastes
different depending on who's
mouth it comes from - Lotuskid

Though you hold me still,
I shudder like the thunderstorm— Miseria-Cantare

i just reread it concerning the triplets and i remembered why I couldnt take em out. When I was conceptualizing this piece I thought of it, as most poems, as a song. and that was a lyrical expression of the characters inability to say I love you due to his realization of the futility of the act. Its a stutter I guess. and to make it more cohesive I just copied it onto why and try. tho I think it might do well with just an I triplet... anyway, thought I'd give an explanation...

--
saliva always tastes
different depending on who's
mouth it comes from - Lotuskid

Though you hold me still,
I shudder like the thunderstorm— Miseria-Cantare

lol o and i forgot to mention... you have to slow down when you get to the middle cause the beginning and end read themselves to you fast and so you wanna continue on the second stanza but it wont work. true, i shouldn't do that, but I do lots I shouldnt
hehe

--
saliva always tastes
different depending on who's
mouth it comes from - Lotuskid

Though you hold me still,
I shudder like the thunderstorm— Miseria-Cantare